Studies show that on a normal day you get asked between five and five million questions. Studies show… What studies? Who decided we needed a study done in the first place? Are you kidding me? How do I get paid to do a study? OK, I really don’t know if a study has ever been done on this subject but the government is sure to do one now, as I hear they have been following Marc, er…… Home Fixated.com religiously. Plus, if a study were done, I’d bet dollars to donuts and a bottle of Crowny that the number would fall between five and five million. What I wouldn’t bet my beloved Crowny on, would be someone asking, “What’s under your bathtub?”
So before we answer the question of the day, I’ll just tell you there is going to be available from the UK, a tub surround that incorporates tilt-out side and end panels. These are larger versions of the tilt-out tray that people often put in front of their kitchen sinks. Check out Re-Nest for some out of the box ideas that I actually found very cool. They include a tub-and-tray enclosure, bookshelves, and drawer installations.
OK, let’s get this over with: There’s a gecko under my bathtub. I’m sorry, it’s done, let’s move on. I decided to actually see what was under my tub. First I had to find the access panel. Right, the access panel. Isn’t every tub supposed to have one by code? Hello? Dad? (My father built the house we live in, in 1955.) Now if Dad and I are at a standoff in some political or religious repartee, I’ll always know I can play my tub access card, or more precisely, my “lack-of-tub-access” card. So I decided to put one in. I mean after all, how could I have lived here so long without one? And once I realized that I didn’t have one, the tub would start leaking any day now. Murphy’s Law #113.
My first look under the tub was not particularly exciting. Don’t know what I expected, but some cash or jewelry would have been cool. The floor sheathing was diagonal one by six with half inch spacing. Plenty of room for many of god’s creatures to set up their little homesteads. I tried to dissuade my wife from peeking but that only made her more determined to see what I saw.
I finally convinced her not to have the house tented and did a little more exploring on my own. With my flashlight I could see some newspaper stuffed between the studs and with a stick I dragged it out. I was thinking it might be the front page, maybe news about the Cold War, or the financials. I always knew my dad stayed up with the news of the day.
Whoa, what’s this? The sports page? Dodgers beat the Yankees in seven games with Johnny Podres the MVP. They had Koufax, Pee Wee Reese, Jackie Robinson, Duke Snider, and Tommy Lasorda… Wow, how cool. So I took another look with the flashlight and something reflected the light back in the corner. With my trusty stick I pulled out an old crushed can. An old crushed beer can. An old crushed Schlitz beer can. So my dad was working on the tub, took a break, grabbed a Schlitz and read the sports page the day after the Dodgers beat the Yankees for the first time. Who knew?
But why were they stuffed between studs and stuck in the corner? I think I know. I can hear my mom now, “Honey? Still working on the tub?”
I gotta go, the Orkin Man is here.
