As we age, it becomes increasingly more likely that we’ll be asked to produce a stool sample. Why wait until the doctor asks that you “keep a log”? Be prepared, I say! Go ahead and bottle your stool now, while you’re healthy. No one wants to be slaving in the workshop when they have tummy issues; no good can come of that. This little novelty item goes over well with people of just about any age, healthcare worker or not. Those who miss the double entendre will still appreciate the cute little bar stool.
Bottle Club
The project begins with a small glass bottle. I buy mine at Hobby Lobby. The ones shown are the perfect size (very inexpensive too). These bottles have necks that are tapered on the inside and include a matching cork.
A 1/2” pine dowel is used to make the seat of the stool. As is, the dowel doesn’t quite fit into the neck very far, if at all. Use sandpaper to slightly reduce the diameter of one end of the dowel until it just fits into the bottle neck. It should be able to be pressed into the neck only about 3/16” deep, then wedge into the taper. Don’t force it.
Bottom: Perfectly sized.
Now that the end of the dowel has been sized, secure it in a vise and use a nail or awl to create three evenly spaced, shallow dimples, as shown. These dimples will serve – a little later – to keep a drill bit from wandering.
This Stool Sample Has Legs!
The legs and rungs of the stool are made from ordinary round toothpicks. Clip off and discard the pointy ends of a few toothpicks. From the straight shafts of the toothpicks, cut three 3/4” long pieces for the legs.
Select a drill bit equal in diameter to the toothpick, usually 3/32”. Use that bit to enlarge the three dimples we made earlier into shallow holes. Don’t go overboard here; these holes only need to be 1/16” deep (at most).
Put a drop of Super Glue – or any other CA (cyanoacrylate) glue – in the first two holes then insert legs. Each leg should angle slightly away from the center of the stool seat. Before the glue sets up, make sure that the two legs are splayed just wide enough to barely fit into the opening of the bottle neck.
When installing the final leg, position it just like the first two, so that any two adjacent legs just barely fit into the opening of the bottle neck.
The Dungs. I Mean, the Rungs
The rungs (also called “stretchers”) are the bars that stretch from leg to leg and hold everything together when you sit down. To determine rung location, imagine dividing the legs into fifths. Starting from the bottom of the seat, the rungs should be installed at about the 2/5th point. You want the rungs above (towards the seat) the mid point of the legs.
Determine the length of the first rung and cut it from a toothpick. Glue it into place then proceed with the next two.
You should now be holding a small stool in your hand. Set it aside (don’t sling it across the room; you’re not a monkey!) to allow the glue to dry before proceeding. In the meantime, go wash those grubby mitts of yours. Maybe grab a splash of sanitizer while you’re at it.
Bottling the Goods
Before inserting the stool into the bottle, make sure you gave the glue time to completely dry. Otherwise, the off-gassing will deposit a cloudy white residue on the inside of the bottle, which will make your cool project look like . . . crap.
Begin by barely placing two legs into the opening of the bottle.
Next, use your thumbnail to gently flex the third leg into the opening. If you’re careful, all three legs will flex a bit, absorbing the compression and preventing a breakage. Imagine explaining to the doctor how you broke a leg trying to pinch a stool sample.
Insert the stool as far as you can, until it’s snugly wedged into the taper of the neck. Don’t force it. Holding the dowel firmly, cut it off with a fine toothed coping or jeweler’s saw, right up against the lip of the bottle.
At this point, carefully use a knife (if you feel comfortable doing so) to bevel the circumference of the top edge of the stool, removing the ragged sawn edge for a cleaner look. Then use a smaller diameter dowel and mallet to gently tap the stool down into the bottle. Put a cork in it; you’re done!
If you don’t add this project to the very top of your to-do list, I hope it’ll at least make number two.
Want to see this project build in action? You can check it out right here:
That was the neatest thing, Thank you for sharing that idea. Very clever gag gift for a Doctor.
This is cool!!! Good job
Thank you very much!
Finally – a woodworking project that might fall within my skill set! And it seems quick enough that I could finish it without being pooped…
Haha, nice one! Yeah, this is a quick and easy project. And it rarely fails to get a laugh.