Liquid Fence Snake Repellant: Yes, Please.

Liquid Fence’s information page on their snake repellent asks: “Are Snakes Terrorizing your Family, Pets, and Livestock?”.  #@!$ no!  Snakes are terrorizing me! My wife and pets can fend for themselves–all I have to be is faster than them.  I dislike snakes.  A lot.  I know I am not alone in this–but seriously–what are they for?  Fine.  Get all PETA on me and tell me how many uses snakes have.  I think they belong in two places:  Hell and Zoos.  Both are probably similar from the snake perspective. 

If you are one of those people that insists on having a snake as a pet–don’t try and tell me how awesome it is, or that it is friendly.  It eats frozen mice and rats: whole. The friendly little fella in the picture is also known as the Crotalus atrox or Diamondback Rattlesnake, of the pitviper species.  Pit. Viper. For all of you that aren’t writing me hate mail (and the four that are)–check this out:  Liquid Fence’s snake repellent keeps multiple species of snakes away–check here for a list–and doesn’t include the chemical naphthalene, which is an EPA Class C possible human carginogen and comes from coal tar.  Pretty much anything that mentions cancer, tar, and coal has to be bad–so it is good that Liquid Fence’s snake repellent doesn’t use it.

Liquid Fence is also all natural, so your kids and pets can have it as a snack.  No, just kidding.  Repeat:  KIDS AND PETS SHOULD NOT EAT THIS.  But–it is supposed to be safe to use around them to keep snakes away. It also prevents snakes from using their hypnotic vision to lure the kids into their lair, possibly forcing them into either a Professional Wrestling career, or living in your basement at age 40 with their pet snakes.  It’s up to you.  Keep snakes away from your kids and pets.  You have been warned.

Since I have been working and living at the family ranch in Central Montana–I’ve had the pleasure of meeting a rattlesnake.  It was mean, it scared me, and I did not like it.  I ran.  My plan is to build a backpack to hold 55 gallons of repellant, get myself an umbrella hat like this, and have a constant stream of Liquid Fence cascading around me at all times.  I am that serious about not wanting snakes near me.

You can purchase a quart of concentrated Liquid Fence snake repellent for around 40 bucks.