Try as we might to be adults and take this home ownership thing seriously, sometimes we fail so epically that we have to turn to tricks that make one feel like a sneaky child.
Let me step back for a moment: I recently had the education of looking after an eight-year old boy for a day. It was a steep learning curve on how the adolescent brain works.
When told to clean his room, he skillfully shoveled everything under the bed and, not so skillfully, under the rug. Job Done! When told to eat this vegetables, he would put the fork of green beans to his mouth and then scrape them against his chin so that they’d fall down into his tucked shirt. Job Done! When told to brush his teeth, he’d go to the bathroom, run the water, wet this toothbrush, and secretly just stand there making faces in the mirror. Job Done! In short, eight-year olds are the biggest, sneakiest fakers ever.
For that reason, I couldn’t help but think of my dear little ward when I came across Easy Green Lawn Paint. Destroyed your yard through a summer of neglect? Just spray it green. Job Done!
Yah, yah – sometimes you put a lot of effort into the lawn and it still turns out looking like hay. Maybe your house was built on a Buffy the Vampire Slayer-style Hellmouth? Or perhaps there’s a water shortage or you’re pretending to be eco-savvy by not using the H2O to keep your lawn hydrated. In any case, the grass is dead, and people are coming over (like judgey parents or, gah, potential home buyers). You could go buy those big rolls of grass … or you could spray it green. Which one of those options makes you more giddy and delights the inner child? The fake-out, of course.
To start, mow your lawn with your lawn mower of choice, remove any debris and put away your lawn furniture. Make sure your lawn is dry and rain isn’t expected for the next few hours. If you have a deck or stone tiles, you may want to cover them or have a bucket and rag with soapy water available (this stuff will stain them if you don’t take care of it immediately). Take your Easy Green Lawn Paint, dilute it according to directions, load it in your pump sprayer and go to town on your lawn – covering it all. In an instant, you’ve gone from neglectful home owner to responsible green thumb. The effects last for roughly three months.
Now, I have to advise my fellow geeks on one thing: Do not put it on yourself. As much as you may be tempted to use Easy Green Lawn Paint to turn yourself into an Orion, the object of Captain Kirk’s desires for Halloween, don’t. The paint is permanent. In fact, should you get it on your shoes or clothes before the drying process is complete (roughly 4 – 6 hours), it won’t come off. That said, it’s biodegradable, doesn’t contain harmful chemicals and is safe for animals and humans to frolic in (once dry).
A gallon of Easy Green Lawn Paint concentrate (which covers 8,000 square feet of lawn) will set you back $60 (larger quantities are available). If you’d like their pump sprayer, it’s available in a two gallon carry-around version for $40 or a four gallon backpack version for $100.