This is in response to the recent inundation on Home Fixated of lawn mowers that Martha Stewart would use. I’m here to show you a lawn mower that Tony Stewart would use and the late, great Billy Mays would have sold. I am not opposed to being green–I am however, opposed to those that would take away the pure awesomeness that is a riding lawn mower. If you don’t like burning fossil fuels to contribute to the global crisis, eagles, high-powered sniper rifles in school lunch boxes–you can just get out! (Any airbrushed eagle on your vehicle automatically counts as citizenship/patriotism for life). Hell yeah!
I give to you–those of us that bleed red, white, and blue: The Case/IH WD2303 windrower. This puppy has 226 Turbo powered horsepower, a dual speed hydrostatic transmission, 18 foot cutting head, independent rear axle suspension, a 120 gallon fuel tank–and cab suspension for the ultimate in lawn mowing comfort. It is a veritable eff you to your neighbors that insist on using some electric lawnmower to pussyfoot around their garden gnomes. This Lawnzilla would decapitate their garden gnomes–and leave a nice little windrow of them for the little gnome funerals.
The WD2303 features electric mirrors, automatic temperature control, and a four-speaker sound system so you can really kick it out with some Monsters of Rock. About the only thing this mower can’t do is crush cars. Fortunately–we have another great American: Bigfoot to do that for us. Again, USA: A kajillion The Rest: Celine Dion and the Eiffel Tower. We win.
Having tried this all American ass-kicker on a few hay fields, I can attest to the sheer testosterone that you will be over-dosing on shortly. The controls are intuitive and easy to use. If I were Case/IH I would quit calling it a cab, and start calling it what they mean: a cockpit. The right-hand control is shaped like a joystick, and as all my F-16 fighter pilot friends can attest to–it is just like it. All your controls are on the joystick, and boy oh boy is it a joy. Header hydraulics, cutter, and windrow shaper control fins are all on this baby. It even comes with a seat they call an “instructional seat” next to the captain’s chair. Let’s just call it what it is: A place for babes to hang out gawking at you as you mow down anything green in front of you. Did I mention the 18 foot wide cutting header?
In case you missed getting Dad something awesome for Father’s Day–here is your chance to make it up to him. What better way to celebrate the freedom of our country than mowing down the competition? You can get yourself a sweet used Case/IH Windrower here for a little over $100,000. Or, go straight to Case/IH directly for a shiny new model. Good times.