Part of the reason I went into carpentry (besides the girls, fame, fortune, and sweet tools) was that in my line of work I didn’t have to do crap like painting. That has all gone out the window as we “upgrade” the house.
I hate painting. I hate everything about it. After our recent bout with it–I may just say that I like dry wall better than painting, and that is saying A LOT. Firstly–there is the never ending decision on what color goes with the cabinets, dog’s eyes, the sweater she wears once a year, et cetera, et cetera, ad nauseum.
My involvement in the color selection was like deciding how her hair should be done for a night out: “Do you like it?” Internal monologue: “This is a trick question. If I answer in the affirmative and she doesn’t like it–I’m hosed. If I say no…then I am hosed. Is there any possible way of getting out of this without being hosed? Doesn’t look like it…Man I love Scooby-Doo. That cartoon kicks serious ass.” “Honey? Do you like this color for the kitchen accent wall?” “Accent wall? What is that? Should I know what that is? I am hosed…”
Usually Fixaters…I strive to tell you what to do in your home improvement endeavors. However, for this article I am going to explain all of the mistakes I made–and I want you to do the opposite. Your life, your relationships, and your sanity will be much better off.
“Drop Cloths”: Are not “drench” cloths. Do not put the paint stirring stick on this thing–it will bleed into the carpet, and much evilness ensues. Especially if the carpet is beigeish and the paint is red, or yellow, or really, really blue. I warned you.
Masking: Is not a suggestion. Mask everything. The trim, the window casements, the dog, (you will notice how my friend Annie tried to get the Braveheart look in the photo…) the baseboards–you really can’t mask enough. Also: On textured drywall you need to make sure the tape is down everywhere. Run your fingernail along the edge to get a good seal. Your paint will bleed if you do not, making for an evil looking edge. See: Really, Really Blue paint vs. White.  Not good times. You may also want to investigate a premium masking tape, like the Frog Tape Painter’s Tape we recently reviewed.
The Crew: Should understand the language you primarily speak. If you speak dog, and can explain to them how to avoid using their tails as their own version of a paint brush, more power to you. I–cannot. Evilness x10. Bride Freak-Out Level: Nearly unmatched. Close to the time I put some cashmere sweater thing in the dryer. Don’t ask.
Measure twice, Paint once: I should have known this one…but where some stripes were painted (again: don’t ask) I inched myself. Classic carpenter mistake. The result? Evilness as the entire wall was off–and needed to be re-painted. Nothing sucks more than doing something that sucks a lot–twice. Double check measurements.
Clean tools are happy tools: I shudder at the thought of calling paint brushes, rollers, and such as “tools”. But the fact of the matter is they are. They like to be clean. After a particularly awesome relationship building evening of painting I sort of neglected to wash out the brushes…and was met with some pretty useless brushes the next morning. Like–completely useless. I threw them out, drove to the bank and used the ATM to get cash and then went to Homie D to get new ones so that my trip could not be traced electronically. As soon as I see this article scheduled, I will make sure Carrie is not near a computer for a 24 hour period to keep my crime on the down low.
All in all–our painting expedition turned out to look pretty good. It was the getting there that…wasn’t so good. Hopefully my adventures will keep your painting mishaps down–and give your walls a nice, new, really really blue coat.
What in the hell is an accent wall anyway?
On the topic of tips. One that I learned that has really proven it’s value has been to stick a nail into the end of the caulking tubes and then wrap the tips with several wraps of plastic wrap. I have tubes that are still viscous after 2 years. Someone may also want to try the new self-stick plastic wrap as that may do an even better job.
Not a painter myself, but you do what you gotta do and you learn more each time, especially if you ask paint-knowledgeable friends to help for part of the pizza. one tip- when the job goes more than one day, wrap your rollers and brushes in aluminum foil. It keeps the paint moist and saves washing them the first day. Tape is a must, it saves time, gives a cleaner look and saves on the aggravation factor. Also wear gloves when you wash brushes, saves personal cleanup time.
Good tips Walt. I stick my rollers and brushes in a plastic shopping bag, seal them off, and leave them in the fridge so I can reuse them the next day. Time saved avoiding brush cleaning is a noble cause!
I’m with you – painting sucks! And no matter how much time and attention you give to cleaning up those “tools” never look new again.
PS. Something wrong with the tab when you fill out your name and and tab to go to the next field you end up somewhere totally unexpected.
Thanks for all the comments Todd and for the field tabbing bug report. We just fixed that and it should be behaving properly now!
May I make a suggestion for the painting-challenged? If you know a good painter, spend a day helping him–for free. If you use the experience as an opportunity to learn, it could be the wisest investment you ever made.